Individuals trapped in exhausting relationships with borderline or narcissistic partners and family members – and the therapists who struggle to help them break free from destructive caretaking patterns – can need more than traditional therapy approaches to escape these toxic dynamics and rebuild healthy boundaries. Margalis Fjelstad has spent nearly 30 years specialising exclusively in this challenging area, becoming one of the world’s leading experts in helping people recover from BPD/NPD relationships and developing practical strategies that actually work to break cycles of manipulation and emotional abuse.
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and bestselling author of Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life and Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship, Dr. Fjelstad brings unparalleled expertise to one of the most difficult areas in mental health. Her 25-year role as Director of Counseling at Threshold Educational and Counseling Services, combined with over 35 years of university teaching experience training graduate therapists, demonstrates her exceptional understanding of both the clinical and educational aspects of this work.
Dr. Fjelstad’s expertise spans Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorder dynamics, caretaking relationship patterns, codependency recovery, boundary setting, manipulation neutralisation, and trauma recovery from toxic relationships. Her approach recognises that people involved with BPD/NPD individuals face unique challenges that standard relationship therapy doesn’t always address – including trauma bonding, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and the specific psychological patterns that keep caretakers trapped in destructive cycles. She specialises in helping clients understand these dynamics intellectually and emotionally while developing practical skills to protect themselves and rebuild their lives.
What sets her training apart is specialised knowledge combined with practical application. Fjelstad doesn’t teach generic boundary-setting techniques – she shows practitioners exactly how to recognise and neutralise the specific manipulation tactics used by individuals with personality disorders. Her years conducting Caretaker Recovery Groups give her deep insight into the common patterns and successful intervention strategies that create lasting change.
For your practice, expect to gain specific techniques for working with trauma from toxic relationships, tools for helping clients recognise and resist manipulation, and frameworks for understanding the unique psychological dynamics in BPD/NPD relationships. Her approach particularly benefits therapists working with clients in high-conflict relationships, those treating trauma from emotional abuse, or practitioners wanting specialised expertise in personality disorder-affected families.
Quick Win: Use the DBT “STOP method” (Stop, Take a breath, Observe the pattern, Proceed differently) to help clients interrupt automatic caretaking responses to manipulation – which can provide the first taste of empowerment that motivates deeper recovery work.
Qualifications
- Ph.D., Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling, Oregon State University, Corvallis, OR, 1978
- MS, Marriage and Family Therapy, Indiana University Bloomington, Bloomington, IN, 1973
- Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Colorado
- SoulCollage® Trained Facilitator
- Nearly 30 years clinical experience as MFT
Authored Books
- Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life (bestseller)
- Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship (bestseller)
- Caretaker Recovery Workbook (designed for groups and individual use, available online)
Academic & Professional Experience
- Owner, Conscious Connections, Fort Collins, CO, 2007–present (18 years)
- Director of Counseling, Threshold Educational and Counseling Services, Fair Oaks/Sacramento, CA, 1982–2007 (25 years)
- Private Practice Therapist, Individual and couples psychotherapy, Fort Collins, CO, current
- Adjunct Faculty, Regis University, Colorado Springs, CO (35 total years teaching across universities)
- Adjunct Faculty, California State University Sacramento (CSUS), Sacramento, CA
- Clinical Supervisor for Interns, Threshold Educational and Counseling Services, 1982–2007
Clinical Specialties
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) relationship dynamics
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) family and partner relationships
- Caretaking and codependency recovery patterns
- Boundary setting with manipulative individuals
- Neutralising manipulation tactics and emotional abuse
- Trauma recovery from toxic relationships
- Family therapy with mentally ill family members
- Breaking addictive relationship patterns
Ready to help clients break free from the exhausting cycles of caretaking toxic relationships? Discover how Dr. Fjelstad’s specialised methods can give you the specific tools needed to help clients recognise manipulation, set effective boundaries, and rebuild their lives after narcissistic or borderline relationship trauma.